Classes make me think so much. With my background/history in existential Christian theology (?), I feel like I’ve thought through a lot of these issues, struggled through a lot of these big questions. I listen to materials in class and make links all over the place–yes, that’s a human problem, and here’s the biblical explanation. I’m only now understanding what it means to have a ‘Christian worldview’, and how everything can and must (?) by explained through it. I can’t shut up about God. I can’t shut up about how everything only makes sense with God in the picture, as the foundation of everything. All this I get, but within a Christian framework, and it’s difficult to explain what’s in my head without first establishing all the ground-up truths. It’s radical. But I don’t know how to fit that into class discussions. So it seeps into my writing, but I leave things open-ended, provoking questions and raising big issues without putting forth any answers…being a gadfly, if you will.
I used to think it was stretching things, forcing it, to add the ‘Christian worldview’ element to things we learnt in class. E.g. that history essay we had to write on Stalin’s regime using Biblical principles and references, or the class discussion on which system most fits Christianity’s principles, communism, utilitarianism, liberalism…etc. It was like, OK this is like lit. You just BS and find evidence to support your claims and connect dots that aren’t really there. Ga jelas, and ga penting.
But now I can’t help but see things that way sometimes, often, most of the time. Now I know Christianity is truth and the only real way to interpret reality, everything fits in automatically.
I find myself scribbling notes in the margins of my notes, highlighting all these connections. And I have thoughts, and mean to go back and write on these thoughts, but time passes and new readings are assigned and new topics brought up in discussion that have more and more connections and I’m like woah…
I need to set aside time to write. I also need to set aside time to create, to make art. I need to establish a routine, and find my feet.
without me you're just aweso 